I am about to go into my 2nd winter here at this particular off grid location in Colorado.
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Despite losing the online job in August (that I had for 2.5 years) I am confident that I will be alright financially but barely.
YouTube revenue has fallen dramatically since April of this year to at levels just under 200 dollars per month in estimated revenue.
With a few additional periodic donations from supporters, and a few dozen ON DEMAND subscribers, I’m confident that I can survive another winter. I also have most of the basic items that I need including more candles and battery powered lights. My basic studio setup using OSB software is better that the way I was producing and uploading videos last winter so I have learned some things about making some production progress. Right now it seems I have all the tools I need as well as space to do a great deal of things. The rest lies in personal discipline to overcome other distractions and personal difficulties including emotional issues from unresolved past issues. This is where writing is coming in to help mediate some of those prolonged inner struggles with pain.
Sometimes the car works and sometimes its breaks down. Ultimately I am very fortunate to have a ride to town from a friend for supplies and I get to enjoy the occasional break from my land. These are moments that I look forward to and despite the less than positive vibes that I feel from elements of this county’s community, I hope to find a place in town – a coffee shop or restaurant where I feel comfortable relaxing and conversation with my friend and sometimes she brings one of her children. We are just friends and its been therapeutic to feel that someone local cares about my life. The tribalism however, has depressed me and I will discuss it on my other thread in greater detail.
I choose to let my chosen isolation (because it was my goal to go off the grid) be a greater catalyst for honing my communication abilities and message. I aim to not feel like a victim of the tribalism or a sense of being a outsider. It is true I have been a outsider in many circumstances throughout my life and so thus, this is nothing new.
I seek to remind myself of that when I feel down when I am in situations in which I feel stuck without anyone around or seemingly willing to help me. If there is 1 lesson to take from the recent car situation, it is this: Sometimes no one will come to rescue you when you need to rescue yourself. Or said another way, find another way or friend to help fix the problem. In the case of the car, a proper jump from that same female friend got the car going, however the battery is dead again but I do not think problem is serious and that power, battery issue might be easily fixed.
The point is, I have overcome certain challenges and have been able to remain on my land without a need to get to town for long periods and on a limited income all the while not being on welfare and all my income deriving from the content that I create here online.
In that sense I dont feel like a victim but someone living a very special life if that I choose to create for myself. There are many examples of how I am living in very specific times or rather living a very unique and special REALITY – creating media while off grid. The topics however are just as important as others may be off grid with focuses on other things outside of current affairs or controversial topics. For myself, this life achievement of being able to be free enough to create my own media while remaining full time is a special thing and something that is still being explored and expressed.
I often refer to this time space reality that I am in as a provider of information while living remote as a age in between ages. The age previous to this did not have this technology and our ancestors had to work much harder to share a idea or document something. Perhaps with that came greater thought and quality to the message shared. The age I am in now is the first time messages of various forms – audio – video – other – are being transported around the world.
There is the light and dark expression of the transfer of ideas immediately though technology.
The age in which we are going has much uncertainty as a whole and for those sharing independent ideas.
Despite the conspiracies discussed, I never lost myself to a fallacy of a conspiracy that ‘the man’ or google was holding me down. Its true they are throwing the independent content creator under the bus because thats what corporate giants do. But its business, not personal. Having the hindsight to see the larger picture, I don’t feel totally like a victim with youtube and google because at least I generate SOME income and lately the shortfall has been made up through public support.
So this is a big moment for me to step into shoes where I can be a online voice of reason in the wilderness. To be able to do so required so many microcosmic forces to be in motion – from getting the land – to maintaining a online job 2.5 years just long enough to get to where I am now with affordable internet and keeping my bills under 400 a month…and now making up the youtube shortfall.
It seems there is potential for much growth on my own platform granted i put in the work necessary. On that note, this is really about my soul expressing itself and all that that entails. To do so I must find the strength to use this particular forum to start hashing out and processing certain personal stories and ideas that Im not necessarily putting on youtube. In processing that content in a healthy manner and making certain ideas available immediately for a select audience.
Im trying to see things as they are at this time and how to best maximize my growth and share the ideas that need to be shared. Obviously writing is a medium that I haven’t used enough in recent years but ill be bringing some balance to that over the course of this winter.